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My son and I amused ourselves one evening by making a list of things other than obvious crimes that we think should be made illegal and punishable by either huge fines, imprisonment, or exile. It turned out to be an interesting list and we didn't agree with all our choices, but neither of us expected to since I am old and he is a 16 year old boy. Here is the list. See what you agree with.

1. I chose first to ban tube tops. No one, even the loveliest of women, can wear a tube top and not look like she ought to work professionally in Nevada, if you know what I mean. If the Queen of England wore a tube top she would look like she lived in the Buckingham Palace trailer park. Tube tops on anyone with any body fat whatsoever look like two tons of lard stuffed in a gym sock. The mere thought of myself in a tube top makes me gag. Chuck agreed with this assessment and considers them a serious cringe worthy fashion choice.

2. While we were on the bad fashion subject, Chuck chose to make Ugg boots, Ugg knock-off boots, and any other boot that looked like an Ugg boot a heinous crime punishable by time in the public stocks. He believes that Ugg boots are just plain uggly and hates to see women wearing them. Apparently, this is an opinion shared by most males. Frankly, I find them comfortable, and I reminded Chuck that since women generally dress for other women and themselves and not men, I doubted that they would be disappearing any time soon. That, he claimed, is why wearing them had to be made a capital offense.

3. My next choice was Japanese Anime. Personally, I think that anime is part of an evil and insidious plot to destroy the world by poisoning the minds of our young people. The characters are either psychotic or just plain weird, they all think that violence is the answer to just about any problem, the heroes are all 15 year olds who talk like Yoda and look like Michael Jackson at his most surgically altered, the heroines look like over developed 11 year olds in sailor suits who might be found any night of the week at one of Charlie Sheen's parties or like your average sadistic dominatrix, gender confusion is rampant, and all the guys have better hair than the girls. In short – it is just wrong. Chuck took issue with this. He claims that I have not seen it enough to make a judgment. We'll never find out since I've seen more of it than I ever want to.

4. For his next crime against humanity that should be eliminated, Chuck chose election campaigns. He claims to already be sick of the 2012 elections and they are 18 months away. He figures that by October he will be wanting to go live in a cave in self-defense. We agreed completely on this choice. What is wrong with this country? We start putting Christmas decorations up in stores in September and campaigning for office before the current winner has even been given his oath of office. It's crazy. Why can't we be like England? They get 6 weeks to campaign before any election – even the big ones. They figure if you can't establish your platform in 6 weeks you never will. I'm all for that. The way things are going, by the time election day comes I will thoroughly hate everyone running and not even vote.

5. I said that I thought that fast food chains should be made illegal. They are ugly, disgusting, and have made Americans fat and unhealthy. Any place that serves french fries that have the same half-life of nuclear waste should definitely be eradicated. All those people who made zillions of dollars making American citizens obese and sick should be forced to live the rest of their lives in someplace with hard, plastic chairs and bad lighting and be made to eat their own food for 20 to life. Given the quality of their food, 20 years may be the same as life anyway.

We agreed that reality TV, pop stars who can't even read music, creepy CGI babies, Wall Street, and wearing cowboy hats and boots without ever having to ride on a horse or herd cattle should be considered crimes. Also, artificial Fu Man Chu fingernails with decals on them, T-shirts with stupid pictures or sayings, and orange tans. We agreed on more than we disagreed on, which is probably a good sign for our relationship, but at the end we were disheartened by the knowledge that no one was ever likely to appoint us dictators of the world and give us the opportunity to make our personal laws come true. Actually, that's another thing we would make illegal – dictators.
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